OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
