She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
