my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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