12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
