Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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