Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
