hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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