Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
either way he was missing a nipple.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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