just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
