he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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