New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
