I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
