i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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