my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
