Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
