so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
