I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize