I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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