she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
