Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
