I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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