Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
