i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
