Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
