id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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