Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
