Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
