Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
