When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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