Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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