The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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