What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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