But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i already hear my dad disowning me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
