please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
