I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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