i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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