is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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