Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
