JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
