don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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