Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
