he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
