So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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