I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
