Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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