brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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