Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
