I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
