It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Four minutes until I can fart!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
