Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
