is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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