Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
