Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
wow bdsm is so cute
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
