new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
