i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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