I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Randomize
