and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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