the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
