I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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