omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
