Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
