There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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