I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
