dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
