you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
