Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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