you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
