I wanna passion pit in your ass
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
