Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
