what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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