buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
