where am i from again
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
