took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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