theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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