Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
