I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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