We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
