I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
