Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
