i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize